everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
pop tarts are not kleenex
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
