Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
