some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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