I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize