Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
