So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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