He is such a slut. More and more my type.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
