did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
