Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize