if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
so much tequila, so little girl.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
