how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
and she was petting her beer can
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
