I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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