Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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