I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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