saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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