it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
