she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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