And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
