Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
