Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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