Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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