Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
