someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
