you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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