Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
