I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
