Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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