Will you blow on my dice?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
