Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
