Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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