You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
