Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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