Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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