i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize