Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
