I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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