so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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