You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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