im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
