im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
