Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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