I cannot find my penis.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
