She's JV to your varsity
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
BRING THE BAGELS
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize