i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
