he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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