Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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