No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
