what day is it and did you see me today?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
