i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
