I wish I could teleport
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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