Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
