dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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