Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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