don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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