idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
