the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
