you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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