My friends, they love my intelligence
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
