Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Randomize
