I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
