Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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