I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
