I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
