His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
