Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
