And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize