i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
