put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Boobs speak an international language.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize