we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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