med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
