she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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