so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
