Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
