What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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