He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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