Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
