and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
