He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
