well I can't set my house on fire every night
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
