I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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