i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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