How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
