what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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