Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
