we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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