I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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