ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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