I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
