I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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