are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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