I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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