Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
