I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize