We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
