I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He felt like a one man threesome
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
