Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Randomize
