I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
