I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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