and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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