if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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