I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
