butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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