you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
