Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
