I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize
