Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
