i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
"it" just moved
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
